I See You
“Just when the caterpillar thought her life was over, she became a butterfly.”
What comes to mind when you hear the word “recognition”? Do you feel excited when you know you are being recognised for your accomplishments? Do you shrug it off, saying that you were just lucky or had the support of your team? Deep down inside, do you doubt yourself – did you really accomplish something that is worthy of recognition?
My daughter recently received her results of a national examination. It was one of those moments in a student’s life that seems to be momentous. Her results will determine which school she is eligible to attend for the next 4 years of her academic journey. I know this poses a lot of pressure on a 12-year-old but our academic system is what it is. She was disappointed with her results and worried if she will still be able to go to the school of her choice. It was heart-breaking for me as her parent to see her go through this. I recalled having similar emotions when my son went through the same experience when he got his results of this same examination 6 years ago. He didn’t get into the school of his choice and was also disappointed. However, fast forward to today, I believe that he has become more resilient and adaptable due to this experience and hopefully, the lessons that he has learnt along the way will make him a better person.
As I reflected on what my daughter is going through now, I wonder if we have truly seen who we are and also the people in our lives. Do we really see them or do we recognise them through their accomplishments, abilities and actions? Do we validate and affirm ourselves and accept our shortcomings? I am not saying that we stay complacent and do not grow. Some of us are really hard on ourselves. We beat ourselves up when we face setbacks and failures. When we succeed, we don’t believe it or discount its significance. How can we move towards having better and clearer vision of ourselves and the people around us?
“When people are not accepting toward themselves, they are often obsessed with acceptance by others.”
- Nathaniel Branden, Canadian–American psychotherapist
The dust has settled and my daughter has submitted her application for her school of choice. Now, we wait for the outcome. As I journeyed with her in this important phase in her life, I started to think about how I see her and what I can do to see her as who she truly is.
I see you
I love it when my youngest daughter would just run up to me and give me a hug. It’s not because I did anything for her to receive that hug. It’s not due to my accomplishments and abilities. She just loves to hug me because I am her favourite Mum. [Okay, I am her only Mum!] That’s just it. She sees me as who I am to her. Her mother. Are you able to really see who you are and those around you? I know it’s difficult to see the beauty in the colleague whom you don’t quite like or a difficult family member. Try this little exercise. Imagine that person as a young child. What do you think he or she is like? What do you think makes them happy? As for yourself, can you remember what you were like as a child? Does your inner child still show up or buried away due to the pressures of adulthood? What would happen if you allow your inner child to come out and play? Would you be happier? Try it and see what happens.
I see your efforts
I see my daughter putting in hard work to prepare and study for her examinations. My husband and I affirmed her for her efforts and discussed how unfair life can be at times. We all want our efforts to pay off but at times like this, they don’t. We encouraged her to make the most of the situation and to see over time the lessons that she can learn from this. Do you take the time to acknowledge your efforts? Do you appreciate your direct report for working so hard for the project even though the outcome of the project was less than favourable? Try giving specific affirmations to yourself and others and see how that feels.
I see your journey
Life is a journey, not a destination. How often do we focus on the destinations in our lives? When I finish college, life will be better. When I get that job, I’ll be happy. When I am promoted, people will know that I have made it in life. Is this what really matters? Arriving at the destination. Do you take the time to enjoy and learn from your journey getting there? As I reflect on my journey as a coach, if I focus on the destination, I will realise that I am so far behind the other seasoned and experienced coaches and feel discouraged. However, if I focus on my journey, I will see that I have learnt and grown so much as a coach and as a person and the impact I’ve made in my clients’ lives. Isn’t the journey more meaningful and fulfilling than the destination?
Do you take the time to slow down and enjoy your journey, no matter where you are headed? I hope that you will be inspired during this holiday season to truly see who you are, also the people around you, appreciate your own efforts and theirs and cherish your life’s journey. Take time as well to release your inner child! He or she might just teach you a lesson or two that you may have forgotten!
“Life is a journey, not a destination.”
- Ralph Waldon Emerson, American essayist
